What to look for in finding the perfect financial advisor:
Enjoy this excerpt.
How do you best sustain yourself financially once you are no longer working? My answer is, I don’t know. I have read a bit here and there, and on a good day it is confusing and on a bad day it is confusing and inaccurate. I have learned one thing. The common denominator: The most important quality is to be able to see the future. If you can do that, you have it made. Your financial woes are over. This wisdom leads me to financial advisors.
Most financial advisors spew vital information you may not have heard, such as “The key to financial success is a good plan.” Or “You need solid investments; success does not come overnight.” Or “The trick is not to keep all your eggs in one basket. Diversify.”
All sounds good to me, though the last one doesn’t speak to me as I never once in my life collected eggs in a basket. That sounds like something Dorothy (niece of Auntie Emm) would have done. (Toto would have to get out first.)
They suggest we all run with these gems and wealth will be assured. Actually, I think about the cold calls I frequently get from financial advisors asking me for a few minutes of my time and telling me they can offer me a free portfolio review, and if I retain their services I am guaranteed riches rivaling those of Warren Buffett. I am sure this wizard of wealth exists, but I would not know how to spot him. Given that we all share this interest in successful wealth management, I have compiled a questionnaire to help my dear readers to determine whether you would recognize this ultimate in financial analysts, this prophet of profit, if you stumbled across him or her behind a Wall Street Journal. Please take a few moments to honestly complete the following quiz.
A. When looking for that mystical broker, you will try to spot him:
- walking on Wall Street
- walking on Bay Street
- walking on Lake Ontario
B. In trying to assess the broker’s experience and credentials, you will want someone:
- who has worked in a large brokerage house
- who has worked in a not-so-large brokerage house
- who has worked in the land of Oz
C. Sometimes the name can be of assistance. In scanning your list of potentially right brokers, you would want a broker called:
- Douglas J. Richardson
- Nick the Greek
D. In listening to a series of financial gurus speaking at a seminar, you are most impressed by the one who tells you:
- of the imminent bear market
- of the imminent bull market
- of the imminent market of fishes and loaves
E. You would get most excited if your broker would drop by your office in the middle of the day and:
- buy you lunch
- offer you a martini
- wash your feet
F. You prefer an advisor who whenever he shakes your hand:
- squeezes it like a vice
- looks you in the eyes
- reads your palm
G. The broker you are most apt to obey is the one who would tell you to:
- bring him a cheque
- bring him your umbrella
- bring him a great big pumpkin
H. You are most likely to vest your confidence in a broker who:
- rides around in a Cadillac
- rides around in a Volkswagen Beetle
- rides around on a carpet
I. You prefer to deal with a financial analyst who:
- wears a three-piece suit
- wears a tweed hat
- wears stars and moons on his conical hat
If you answered numbers l or 2 to any of the above questions, then you may as well stay with your own financial advisor. You are where you should be. If you answered number 3 to all of the above, then congratulations; you’ll spot him or her when the Messiah arrives. Meanwhile, hang on to your tweed hat.
End of excerpt.
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