Legal humor (and non- legal humor) for the masses. Whether it’s humor or humour (Hey I’m Canadian eh!).
First, let’s kill all the lawyer jokes.
Shakespeare did not quite word it this way, but enough about Shakespeare. I’m a retired lawyer who is also a humorist. This combination has led me to be accused of being an oxymoron.
My website while in practice proudly was legalhumor.com. I believe all humans, including lawyers, can certainly lighten up.
Over the years I have written numerous articles and published four books, which I’m unapologetically promoting here.
One is entitled Birth, Death and Other Trivialities: A Humorous Philosophical Look at the Human Condition. It’s about everything!
The second is Poutine on the Orient Express: An Irreverent Look at Travel. If you’ve ever experienced an airport, got dragged kicking and screaming into an art museum or wondered why when cruising in the Caribbean, all islands look alike, check it out.
As my hair turned salty and peppery, this progression inspired my third opus, Boomers, Zoomers, and Other Oomers: A Boomer-biased Irreverent Perspective on Aging,. Of interest to anyone who has aged since opening this page.
And now here it is, my latest fun offering, First Let’s Kill the Lawyer Jokes: An Attorney’s serious Irreverent Look at the Legal Universe. No lawyer jokes here. Just offbeat observations about the justice system, including why everybody loves lawyers (sort of), how to get clients (and how to get rid of them) and why many lawyers would switch careers and become Oscar Mayer Wienermobile operators. A novel read for anybody who has come into contact with a lawyer, judge or any other mortal.
And what the heck is this website for? One, maybe you’ll buy my books. Bless you. Two, you might ask me to come out and speak at your event. Great! And three and most important, hopefully there are parts that will make you laugh, have fun and feel better. (no purchase necessary). Enjoy!
Hey, let’s get serious.
This is a humor site.
What am I good for?
First, Let’s Kill the Lawyer Jokes:
An Attorney’s Irreverent Serious Look at the Legal Universe
Hire me to speak at your next event
I will both inform and entertain you, at a much lesser cost than a lawyer (fine print disclaimer to follow somewhere)
Marcel’s Deep Thoughts
I get the feeling if this guy convicts you of speeding, he sentences you to Australia!
Here’s a small sample of some of the classical pieces that appeared in The Globe and Mail, Toronto Star and other fine publications resulting in a wave of uncontrollable hilarity:
- Should lawyers always practice by the book? – lessons I learned as a kid. (American Bar Association Journal (ABA Journal) pdf
- We are experiencing more calls than usual – why am I always stuck on hold– “Your call is important to us-“please hold…and hold- customer service calamities. (Globe and Mail) pdf
- I finally found a practical use for AI- Beats calling your millenial children ((Globe and Mail) pdf
- What happens when a Boomer tries Uber for the first time A saga about surviving the inaugural ordeal (Globe and Mail) pdf
- Cash me if you can– All about the joys of trying to break a $100 bill at a bank that has neither tellers nor cash. (Globe and Mail) pdf
- It’s nothing personal, Lot 6 A story about buying a house in a subdivision where the builder calls all the purchasers not by their names, but by their house lot number. (Toronto Star) pdf
- A mouse, a trap and me– A discussion about mediating with your wife and daughter as to how to get rid of a mouse, humanely and to their complete satisfaction. (Globe and Mail) pdf
- The confessions of a technophobe...I am a born again Luddite. (Law 360-formerly The Lawyer’s Daily)
- Goodbye Britannica– the trauma of having to toss out my childhood dream books. (Globe and Mail ) pdf
- Socrates v The Republic of Greece and Olympus Bigpharm Ltd. Did you know new evidence shows the hemlock did not kill Socrates-it just gave him a nasty rash. Ergo lawsuit?
- (American Bar Association ( ABA JOURNAL) pdf
- Shakespeare and the 7 stages of my retirement– On my first day of practice, I bought a chair I intended to use forever. Retirement had other plans .
- ( ABA JOURNAL) pdf
- 7 reasons why the legal profession often gets no sympathy– As Shakespeare said, first let’s love all the lawyers. ( ABA JOURNAL) pdf
- Did you know there was a dental crusade in the 11th century? The Church and the Tooth-excerpt from Birth, Death and Other Trivialities
- Serenity- now and then– Can lawyers remain detached? (Law 360-formerly The Lawyer’s Daily)
- Can lawyers hold doctors accountable for wasting our time? Hey doc, here’s my bill! (American Bar Association ( ABA JOURNAL) pdf
- Lawyer advertising-a good thing? -or over the bottom? (American Bar Association ( ABA JOURNAL) pdf
- Judge, jury, me and me– American judges are eligible for jury duty. What would happen if a judge ends up being a juror in his own court? (Law 360)
- Do lawyers still need Latin?…you decidum American Bar Association Journal ( ABA JOURNAL) pdf
- Great review of “Let’s Kill the Lawyer Jokes” (Law 360)
- Navigating a family law case– no good deed goes unpunished ( ABA JOURNAL) pdf
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To be a doctor or a lawyer? That is the question… Which profession provides more value? hint: lawyers. (ABA Journal) pdf
The “Wizard of Oz”-the legal dilemma. American Bar Association Journal ( ABA JOURNAL) pdf
Keep the change– How conservative is the legal profession? (The Lawyer’s Daily) pdf
- Abbreviated history of lawyers– No lawyers mentioned for ages. Where are they? (The Lawyer’s Daily) pdf
- Lawyers, judges and fishermen-The civil justice system_ If it ain’t broke don’t fix it but is it broke_– American Bar Association Journal ( ABA JOURNAL) pdf
- Corporations- don’t like them-neither a soul to be damned nor an ass to be kicked. (The Lawyer’s Daily pdf
- Quips,quirks and courts- all about the secrets of persuasion- get it? (The Lawyer’s Daily) pdf
- BigLaw SmallLaw big difference – Canadian version (The Lawyer’s Daily) pdf
- judicial simplicity? -Can judges find the balance between being clear and sounding like lawyers? (The Lawyer’s Daily) pdf
- Humour or humor? Lincoln and Churchill had it right either way (The Lawyer’s Daily)
- Career change lawyers? Become an Oscar Mayer wienermobile operator. (The Lawyer’s Daily) pdf
- Cabbage litigation– How retired lawyers spend some of their time. (The Lawyer’s Daily) pdf
- Your Honour: I tip my wig to you- More fun talking about judges (The Lawyer’s Daily) pdf
- Toto, I have a feeling we’re in Iowa– How many times does a felon have to die in jail to end a life sentence? (The Lawyer’s Daily) pdf
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Humour in the practice of law: Seriously (The Lawyer’s Daily) pdf
The latest from my blogs:
Carpool crazy
I recently agreed to help with my grandson’s school carpool. Within minutes I was criticized for being late, out-navigated by a grade-school back-seat driver and nearly crushed by a child’s industrial-sized knapsack, just for starters!.
Some things change with age. Carpools apparently do not.
What they say. Yes, really. I’m not joking here. They said this.
“Your speech was amusing, highly entertaining and at times thought-provoking. We especially appreciated that you tailored your material so that it was appropriate and interesting to [an] audience of judges and their spouses.”
Justice Russell Juriansz,
Court of Appeal for Ontario