Legal humor (and non- legal humor) for the masses. Whether it’s humor or humour (Hey I’m Canadian eh!).
First, let’s kill all the lawyer jokes.
Shakespeare did not quite word it this way, but enough about Shakespeare. I’m a retired lawyer who is also a humorist. This combination has led me to be accused of being an oxymoron.
My website while in practice proudly was legalhumor.com. I believe all humans, including lawyers, can certainly lighten up.
Over the years I have written numerous articles and published four books, which I’m unapologetically promoting here.
One is entitled Birth, Death and Other Trivialities: A Humorous Philosophical Look at the Human Condition. It’s about everything!
The second is Poutine on the Orient Express: An Irreverent Look at Travel. If you’ve ever experienced an airport, got dragged kicking and screaming into an art museum or wondered why when cruising in the Caribbean, all islands look alike, check it out.
As my hair turned salty and peppery, this progression inspired my third opus, Boomers, Zoomers, and Other Oomers: A Boomer-biased Irreverent Perspective on Aging,. Of interest to anyone who has aged since opening this page.
And now here it is, my latest fun offering, First Let’s Kill the Lawyer Jokes: An Attorney’s serious Irreverent Look at the Legal Universe. No lawyer jokes here. Just offbeat observations about the justice system, including why everybody loves lawyers (sort of), how to get clients (and how to get rid of them) and why many lawyers would switch careers and become Oscar Mayer Wienermobile operators. A novel read for anybody who has come into contact with a lawyer, judge or any other mortal.
And what the heck is this website for? One, maybe you’ll buy my books. Bless you. Two, you might ask me to come out and speak at your event. Great! And three and most important, hopefully there are parts that will make you laugh, have fun and feel better. (no purchase necessary). Enjoy!
Hey, let’s get serious.
This is a humor site.
What am I good for?
First, Let’s Kill the Lawyer Jokes:
An Attorney’s Irreverent Serious Look at the Legal Universe
Hire me to speak at your next event
I will both inform and entertain you, at a much lesser cost than a lawyer (fine print disclaimer to follow somewhere)
Marcel’s Deep Thoughts
I get the feeling if this guy convicts you of speeding, he sentences you to Australia!
Here’s a small sample of some of the classical pieces that appeared in The Globe and Mail, Toronto Star and other fine publications resulting in a wave of uncontrollable hilarity:
- We are experiencing more calls than usual – why am I always stuck on hold– “Your call is important to us-“please hold…and hold- customer service calamities. (Globe and Mail) pdf
- What happens when a Boomer tries Uber for the first time A saga about surviving the inaugural ordeal (Globe and Mail) pdf
- Cash me if you can– All about the joys of trying to break a $100 bill at a bank that has neither tellers nor cash. (Globe and Mail) pdf
- It’s nothing personal, Lot 6 A story about buying a house in a subdivision where the builder calls all the purchasers not by their names, but by their house lot number. (Toronto Star) pdf
- A mouse, a trap and me– A discussion about mediating with your wife and daughter as to how to get rid of a mouse, humanely and to their complete satisfaction. (Globe and Mail) pdf
- The confessions of a technophobe...I am a born again Luddite. (Law 360-formerly The Lawyer’s Daily)
- Serenity- now and then– Can lawyers remain detached? (Law 360-formerly The Lawyer’s Daily)
- Judge, jury, me and me– American judges are eligible for jury duty. What would happen if a judge ends up being a juror in his own court? (Law 360)
- Do lawyers still need Latin?…you decidum ( ABA JOURNAL) pdf
- Great review of “Let’s Kill the Lawyer Jokes” (Law 360)
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To be a doctor or a lawyer? That is the question… Which profession provides more value? hint: lawyers. (American Bar Association Journal (ABA Journal) pdf
- Keep the change- How conservative is the legal profession? (The Lawyer’s Daily)_
- Abbreviated history of lawyers- No lawyers mentioned for ages. Where are they? (The Lawyer’s Daily)
- Lawyers, judges and fishermen-The civil justice system_ If it ain’t broke don’t fix it but is it broke_– American Bar Association Journal ( ABA JOURNAL) pdf
- Corporations- don’t like them-neither a soul to be damned nor an ass to be kicked. (The Lawyer’s Daily)
- Avoiding trouble? No problem- As lawyers, do we ever experience trouble or suffer problems? Unlikely. But….(ABA JOURNAL)
- Communication: Do lawyers know how to do it right? Or do they lose clients at the post with fancy mumbo jumbo? (ABA JOURNAL)
- Lawyers-all about camaraderie, civility and coin tosses- We may fight but we somehow all get along (generally) (ABA JOURNAL)
- Chocolates, tea and lawyers’ billable hours-common denominators?- American Bar Association Journal ( ABA JOURNAL)
- Retirement-can you take the lawyer out of the lawyer? American Bar Association Journal ( ABA JOURNAL)
- Is justice always just? Why exactly do lawyers become lawyers? American Bar Association Journal ( ABA JOURNAL)
- Insurance anybody?-everything you ever wanted to know about non coverage- American Bar Association Journal ( ABA JOURNAL)
- Send in the witnesses– How important are witnesses, you ask- American Bar Association Journal ( ABA JOURNAL)
- Everything you wanted to know about cross examination; don’t ask. American Bar Association Journal ( ABA JOURNAL)
- Influencers in your career- say thank you.. American Bar Association Journal ( ABA JOURNAL)
- Send in the clients, and when to send them packing American Bar Association Journal ( ABA JOURNAL)
- Everything you wanted to know about honesty and deception…that’s the truth. American Bar Association Journal ( ABA JOURNAL)
- Quips,quirks and courts– all about the secrets of persuasion- get it? (The Lawyer’s Daily)
- Errors, omissions and boo boos lawyers (might) make …sorry American Bar Association Journal ( ABA JOURNAL)
- Juries- treat or trick? – why juries scare me. American Bar Association Journal ( ABA JOURNAL)
- Send in the juries– Jury duty during the pandemic..everybody’s fantasy (The Lawyer’s Daily)
- BigLaw SmallLaw big difference – Canadian version (The Lawyer’s Daily) pdf
- Welcome to the Karen protection program– how your name can mess up your destiny (The Lawyer’s Daily) pdf
- Which is more practical? lessons in law school or in the trenches? American Bar Association Journal ( ABA JOURNAL)
- If I could talk with the animals– all about the rights of animals; bulls, coyotes and Lucy (the elephant), oh my!. (The Lawyer’s Daily) pdf
- Judicial simplicity? -Can judges find the balance between being clear and sounding like lawyers? (The Lawyer’s Daily) pdf
- Humour or humor? Lincoln and Churchill had it right either way (The Lawyer’s Daily)
- Who was that unmasked woman?– a story about COVID-19 supermarket madness (The Lawyer’s Daily)
- League of Heroes, revisited– COVID-19 has created new heroes on the block- (The Lawyer’s Daily)
- Tips on dealing with Justice Sudoku during COVID-19– it’s all small stuff now…almost all (The Lawyer’s Daily)
- Dancing with the “Demons”– These irritants used to stress us in the good old days, ie pre 2020-.American Bar Association Journal ( ABA JOURNAL)
- Career change lawyers? Become an Oscar Mayer wienermobile operator. (The Lawyer’s Daily) pdf
- Cabbage litigation– How retired lawyers spend some of their time. (The Lawyer’s Daily) pdf
- A legal career’s comic turn Can lawyers retire and become humourists? Actually, we are not retired; we are amused. (Just Magazine-Ontario Bar Association)
- The crying judge: Compassion does not equal bias All about judges with hearts. (The Lawyer’s Daily) pd
- “Are you retired yet?” was the most common question people would ask me before I closed my law practice. The second most common question was, “When are you retiring?” ( INSPIRED 55+ lifestyle magazine)
- The good Samaritan meets Seinfeld– The Canadian Judicial Council goes after a super judge…a proceeding about nothing (The Lawyer’s Daily) pdf
- Judging the judges:– with all due respect, of course- Can judges get nasty and difficult? (ABA JOURNAL)
- Your Honour: I tip my wig to you- More fun talking about judges (The Lawyer’s Daily) pdf
- Lawyers, lattés and other delectables – how legal services are changing from conference room to…? (ABA JOURNAL)
- However you spell it, ‘humor’ or ‘humour’ is admissible in law practice-humour in the practice of law? seriously! (ABA Journal)
- 7 reasons why the legal profession often gets no sympathy As Shakespeare said, let’s love all the lawyers? (ABA Journal)
- First, let’s love all the lawyers Major issue revisited (The Lawyer’s Daily) pdf
- How a kindergarten squabble, Perry Mason, and a ruined dress lured this lawyer to the law (ABA Journal)
- Yikes, my kid is going to law school! What are your fears and trepidations? (The Lawyer’s Daily) pdf
- Toto, I have a feeling we’re in Iowa– How many times does a felon have to die in jail to end a life sentence? (The Lawyer’s Daily) pdf
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Humour in the practice of law: Seriously (The Lawyer’s Daily) pdf
The latest from my blogs:
Do we lawyers complicate simple matters? Yes and no—Maybe?
“A lawyer is a person who writes a 10,000-word document and calls it a “brief.”
~ Franz Kafka
What they say. Yes, really. I’m not joking here. They said this.
“Your speech was amusing, highly entertaining and at times thought-provoking. We especially appreciated that you tailored your material so that it was appropriate and interesting to [an] audience of judges and their spouses.”
Justice Russell Juriansz,
Court of Appeal for Ontario